The Steam-Cutter: Part 3: Eclipse !!

my honey!!! muahhahahha

Salam,

Berikut adalah ilmu yg merbahaya. Ilmu ngelat apabila di tanya "soalan2 hot" oleh anak sendiri!! Gunakan ketika perlu sahaja. Amaran Keras. Penyalah-gunaan ilmu ini, boleh menyebabkan otak anak anda mereng!

No 1: Jgn menipu! Sebab budak2 akan tau lambat laun yg kau telah tipu dia.
Contohnya bila dah besar dia akan tau yg Santa Klos/Spiderman/Superman etc tak wujud, makan ais krim banyak2 tak rosak gigi kalau kau gosok gigi dan hantu tak pernah bunuh sekor manusia pon sejak zaman nabi adam lagi.

No 2: Bila budak2 tanya soalan2 "hot", mula2 kau try create doubt dlm mind dia.

Soalan Contoh: "Papa, What is seks?"

Dan response kau ialah....
" Betul ke Muhammad dengar perkataan seks? Buku teks kot? Muhammad nak brapa banyak buku teks? Subjek apa?"......takpon
" Muhammad dengar perkatan sax kot? Sax adalh singkatan kepada saxaphone, iaitu sejenis alat muzik yg macam belalai.......ehh cukuplah setakat tuh jawapannya"

No 3: Apa2 soalan dari budak2, kau pusing balik/tala soalan tu kat budak tu. Biar dia yg kene pikir balik. Baru dia pening dan fedap!! Wakakkaka

Soalan Contoh sekali lagi: "Papa, What is seks?" dan response kau ialah...

"Hmm...what do u think sex is? Why don't U tell me!"......
Hamik kau.Tanya sanggat soalan pelik2 kat aku.

No 4: Tukar topik dengan counter soalan yg aggressive. Again shift the balance of answering to the kid. Cilok baeek punya.

Eg: " Why do u want to know about sex Muhammad?"
Asalnya dia dok tanya menatang apa tu seks, tetiba dia plak kene pikir kenape dia plak nak tau pasal seks. Pening kepala budak tu.

N0 5: Yg ni jahat gila. Muahhaha. Kau terus attack dengan pukulan maut. Kau put the blame/burden kat budak tuh.

" Why do you ask? Do you like sex now Muhammad? Whos yr girlfren?"
Wakakkakaka.....mampus kau. Komfirm anak kau akn down giler sampai nangis2 nyer.

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So, berikut adalh lakonan semula conversation aku dan Muhammad lepas keluar dari kedai optometris tuh................

Md: " Papa? Why did that perempuan Cina called U honey? What does honey means?

Alamak. Aku tau dia dah terdengar. Jadi tak boleh menipu. Tapi aku tak nak bagitau dia yg perkataan honey tu agak "kontroversi" skit!....So aku create doubt.

Papa Hensem: " Are u sure that u heard she called me honey? it could be money?"
Md: " No, she called u honey. I heard it! What does honey means"
Apalaga, suruh dia lah yg jawap.

Papa Hensem: " What do u think that it means Muhammad?"
Md: " I dont' know that! What does it means?"

Budak nih. Apalaga. Attack mode is ON!

Papa Hensem: " I heard she called u honey too!!"
Md: " But I am a sweet little kid. But you are old papa. I can see that u got white hair when u asleep. You are not like me......."

Papa Hensem: " Wooo!! Wait a second. So its okay if she called u honey but when she called me honey, its not okay? I think u are jelous Muhammad!"
Md: " NOO!! I am not jelous......"

Papa Hensem: " Do u think that she is gorgeous? Do u like her?"
Md: No....She is not gorgeous... So why does she called u honey Papa?"

sebok la budak nih!

Papa Hensem: I dont know....maybe she like me Muhammad!! Muahahhahaha
Md: NOO. Papa! Why do u like young girls?"
Papa Hensem: NOO! I dont like young girls Muhammad. Papa only likes young "gorgeous" girl. Huge different there!!"

Md: Nooo. So what does honey means Papa?

tak habis2.

Papa Hensem: Why dont u ask mama. Tell her that a young gorgeous girl called papa honey!! Muahahhahah
Md: Yea.. I will ask her what honey means.

Okaylah. Cukup la setakat tu aku torture anak aku. Aku serrender

Papa Hensem: Do u still wanna know what honey means?
Md: Yea
Papa Hensem: Honey is like calling someone "darling". I told u that she likes me Muhammad. Muahhahahha..
Md: Noooooooo!!....

Padan muko hengkau!

And this wednesday, aku ada secend appointment jumpa dia jugak. Dia insist!! Aku nak buek camno. Dia kan doktor mata! Kita kene dengar cakap doktor. Lebih2 lagi doktor yg cun.

Aku kene buat sekend appointment sebab optik nerve aku besar gajah. Patutla aku ada X-Ray Vision

So sesape yg takde kerje, boleh dak jaga muhammad jap dari pukul 4 sampai aku abis tekan ayat. Aku belanja makan free 3 hari!!

TAMAT series

Sekian, mekasey, wassalam.

The Steam-Cutter: Part 2: New Moon !!

Salam,
continue from part 1

1. So awek optometris muda (mid 20s kot....nanti aku tanya dia!!) tu pon chekap la aku dulu sebab dia takut Muhammad gabra kalau dia yg kene chekap dulu. Sambil dia chekap aku pon beramah-mesra dan bermanja-manjaan lah ngan awek tu. Muhammad aku tgk macam tak amik pot pon sebab dia dok syok main ngan kanta pembesar ngan cermin2 yg mcam2 sais kat situ.

2. Sekali awek tu bagik instruction kat aku,

" Honey!! Can U put yr chin on this strap and press yr forehead on this top part?"

Hulamek!! Awek tu panggil aku honey? Trus, secara refleks, aku jeling ke Muhammad, kot2 dia terdengar. Fuhh selamat, dia still dok syok main ngan cermin kat situh.

Selang seminit lepas tuh, kedengaran lagi suara merdunya di bawa angin yg berlalu

" Can u look at my right ear Honey while I shine this light ........."

Bergetar jantungku di goncang syaitannnnn!!
Muhammad still nampak macam tak amik pot!

3. Honey? Its sort of weird choice of word. Honey ni bagik aku, agak intimate. Macam org panggil husband, balak atau anak-anak sendiri. Normally kau tak panggil stranger "honey". Kau panggil, first name dia ke, "dear" ke, "sir" ke (Old british style. Zaman skang org tak pkai sir dah!). Tak pon kau tak panggil apa2 nama pon takpe.

4. So, bila awek tu panggil aku honey, sudah tentu sebab dia dah syok kat aku!!!! Kui Kui Kui Kuih Rayaaaa...

5. Pastu Muhammmad nyer turn plak kene chekap. Dia pon kene panggil honey....honey do this, honey do that. Tapi tu biasa lah kan sebab dia kan budak. Aku pon tak amik pot. Walupun ada lah sikit2 trasa jeles!!


6. Tup tap tup tap, settle chekap. Awek gorgeous tu kata both mata aku dan Muhammad perfect. Tak payah pkai spek. Muhammad sedih sebab dia mmg teringin sanggat nak pakai spek sebab dia nak jadi macam Harry Potter. Gatal je mulut aku nak cakap Harry Potter tu loser sebab selambe je biar member cun dia/Hermione di rembat oleh best fren dia/Ron, sampai terpaksa Harry kutip sisa2 org lain iaitu Ginny adik Ron yg biasa je!! Kalau aku, dah lama dah aku "avada kadavra" Si Ron tu.

7. Sebaik sahaja aku melangkah keluar dari tempat optometris tersebut dgn langkah yg berat dan masih di alam lamunan, Muhammad terus tanya aku.......

" Papa? Why did that perempuan Cina called U honey? What does honey means?"

Halamak! Aku inggat dia tak dengar. Ciss!! Telinga batman ke hapa nih!

To Be Continued

Sekian, makasey, wassalam